Feeling Lost

Never once have I sat down and considered myself a victim. I've come to terms with the idea that bad things can happen for no reason, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I firmly stand by this, although today I've been thinking some very unusual things.

There is so much that I've had to sacrifice through my journey. There are some things that I've had to compromise on. There are dreams that I know will never come true. And it sucks.

I can't seem to shake this thought at the moment. It keeps finding new ways to penetrate deep inside my mind. My treatment plan is currently in limbo as there has been almost no contact from my medical team for three weeks. I'm chasing it up, but they always tell me that we will be moving on very soon.

This lack of structure, routine and planning has left me without a goal to focus on. These are the main things that have always kept me (somewhat) sane. Without them, a weird sense of vulnerability sweeps through.

I know for certain that it will all be fine once things start moving again. Until then, I'll try my best to keep it together.

Joshua Lerner

Hi! I’m the 'star' of Livin' With Lymphoma. The blog was founded on the 31st October 2013, on the day I was diagnosed with Stage 4B Hodgkin's lymphoma. I hope you find it funny and informative.

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  1. HI Josh,

    Noone can be positive all the time. Thanks for keeping us up to date with the good and the bad.

    Best wishes,

    Sarah Vincent